Friday, July 31, 2009

Pandora's Litter Box: Pandora's Shanty

The Ballad of Pandora As I've mentioned before, I play the MMORPG Puzzle Pirates, where you're basically a little nose-less cartoon pirate who plays puzzles. A couple years ago, for one of their "Pimp My Sloop" forum contests, I came up with the following. I was bored, and I do strange things when I'm bored. Like email CNN and tell them they need to stop making Michael Jackson their top news story or else change their name to "Celebrity News Network." Anyway, here's The Ballad of Pandora. I can't even tell you now how long I spent trying to extract fuzzy Pandora from pictures so I could paste her into screen shots from the game.

The Ballad of Pandora

The Ballad of Pandora There now is a cat named Pandora
Who truly did come from Glendora
She looks at her person
Wonders if there's a worse 'un
And dreams of sailing to Bora Bora

She'd take to the high seas in style
Her fuzzy lips they would curl in a smile
But without a sweet sloop
She can't fly the coop
She'll just have to keep dreaming awhile

The Ballad of Pandora She wants the wind to ruffle her fur
Go so fast that the sky is a blur
She'd slosh in the rum
Though the crew might get some
But left at home she'll think you're a cur

Under the sun she'd pad on the deck
Shoot some ships until they're a wreck
She'd give orders and bandy
Plank lazers someplace sandy
And she'd really keep those brigands in check

The Ballad of Pandora But some cheap sloop won't do for this kitty
Because really she is much too much pretty
Her ship needs to be sleek
Anything less is just weak
And her ego is not itty-bitty

Taking to the high seas is a great leap
But my kitty locked at home I can't keep
She must rule the waves
Hide her treasure in caves
Or else she might kill me in my sleep

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