Thursday, March 29, 2012

Whiteboard Jungle: The REAL IT Crowd

We decided that if pawn brokers and parking valets can get their own reality shows, we should get one, too.

Shot 1: RL stares at screen and pounds on keyboard.
Shot 2: Coffee break.
Shot 3: I start cursing at the screen. "What the *bleep*!? You *bleep*ing piece of *bleep*! What were those *bleep*ing monkey *bleep*ers thinking?"
Shot 4: RL stares at screen and pounds on keyboard.
Shot 5: KK mocks my knitting, again. I silently plot revenge.
Shot 6: Coffee break.
Shot 7: Minecraft discussion on IRC.
Shot 8: JP calls someone a moron.
Shot 9: Me again. "*bleep* *bleep* *bleep*ity *bleep* *bleeeeeeeeeep*"
Shot 10: Meeting. Everyone's playing with their smartphone, except me, because I'm knitting.
Shot 11: Closing credits over RL staring at screen and pounding on keyboard.

Monday, March 26, 2012

News: Geekeh Kittehs

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Knittin' Crap: Starfleet Fiber Arts Corps, Month II

I've turned in all six missions again this month, although I still need to finish an older UFO (Unfinished Object) for extra points. This month Starfleet was visiting Orion, that planet of green people.

Division and Mission Requirements My report
Diplomatic: The trading business is big on Orion, including the trafficking of slave girls. The Orion Syndicate is the main trading organization including honest traders, pirates, and smugglers. Illegal operations including theft, raids, extortion, and kidnappings were rampant. Craft something to aid in preventing and defending against the illegal happenings. This fuzzy, colorful creature was found on the planet Arodnap Prime. While normally docile and harmless, it does have an unusual ability to sense deception and malice in other beings, and it responds by running rolling over to the wrongdoers and clamping on with its teeth while emitting a high-pitched shriek. Their small size means they can hide undetected until a crime takes place.

Of course, in our tests, they’ve also been known to attack cheating spouses when they overhear them lying to their mates about their whereabouts for the evening, or subordinates fudging their progress reports to their superiors, so the creatures must be deployed with care. Or not.

It is interesting to note that there are archaeological traces of an ancient sentient race on Arodnap Prime, with the latest buildings being large, defensive structures where almost every small opening was sealed to the outside, but with no apparent damage from war or natural disaster. We can only wonder at this point about the source of their demise.
Attack Kitty
Tactical: Make something green to fit in/ scout among the locals if needed. This small charm may appear to be an invaluable, meticulously carved piece of jade, but in reality, it can also generate a holographic projection altering the coloration of the wearer, making it much simpler to blend in to Orion society.
Dragon Charm
Medical: Orion women are known to give off pheromones that excite males of almost any species (Vulcans, however are immune). Spikes in adrenaline and even disruption of ones sleep cycle, not to mention the negative effect on other females are all a side effect of these chemicals that the orion females produce. Craft something to keep people “chill.” Head over to science to prevent this from happening at all. Craft something calming. Sheep are very docile animals, and there’s also an old Earth practice that people having trouble relaxing or falling asleep should count sheep. This is sheep #1 to help in that exercise:
Demonstration of relaxation on male feline test subject:
Cranky Spoon + Friend
Security: The Orion males are quite the specimens to behold. Even though they are subservient to the females, they could most likely take down our human counterparts. Mission: Craft something to help beef up or give our men courage and not feel quite so intimidated. Bears represent strength and courage to many Earth cultures through the centuries. This ferocious-looking bear will inspire Starfleet men to great feats, but it also houses a device which emits waves which suppress thoughts of fear.

However, to function properly it must be worn attached to the head, thus I have attached a handy device which will secure to hair. If men aren’t brave enough to buck gender stereotypes by wearing barrettes, their hairy butts have no place in Starfleet to begin with.
Rilakkuma barrette
Science: The dancing of an Orion female is intoxicating to males. This can be counterproductive for when male Starfleet officers need to take care of missions without their minds being clouded. Break out the chemistry set and find out what makes those pheromones work and find a possible way to counteract them. Head over to Medical to treat the side effects. Mission: Craft something that counteracts these pheromones and protects males from losing their senses. Starfleet scientists have genetically modified this common Orion ornamental vine for this month’s Science Mission. The pollen from the flowers in the altered vine will seek out and preferentially bind to the Orion female pheromones, thus preventing their uptake by humans.
Command: Even though it appears that Orion females are slaves to the men, in actuality, the females control everything through the use of their skill of seduction and highly potent pheromones. Make something representative of a strong female in either Star Trek, history, or literature. Where No Woman Has Gone Before
'Nuff said.

Pattern sources:
  • Dragon charm pattern from a Japanese amigurumi charms book
  • Sheep finger puppet pattern by Jellybums
  • Rilakkuma pattern from Japanese Rilakkuma craft book
  • Vine pattern from Japanese crochet motif and edgings book

Monday, March 12, 2012

Spoonerisms: Kitty Sleep-over Camp

While I was in NYC, Spoon and Dipity stayed in a group room at The Best Little Cathouse in Pasadena.

First they had to get a current test showing they were FIV- and FeLV-free, but fortunately there's a snap test, so I just took them to the vet on the way to the cathouse. Since I never take them someplace at the same time, Spoon had to use the big, old carrier, which only fits in the back seat, instead of the smaller carrier, which I can put on the front passenger's side floor. If I open the top-lid, he'll just lie there the whole trip, pretty relaxed, occasionally meowing to remind me he's there. Instead, Dip got the smaller carrier on the front passenger's side, and she won't stay in the carrier if I open it, so she remained caged and complained vocally the entire trip, barely stopping to inhale for her next howl. I guess Spoon either figured he couldn't compete with her Siamese vocalizations or that he didn't really have all that much to complain about in comparison, so he stayed pretty quiet back there.

According to the paperwork, he's lost half a pound in the 6 months he's been on the diet. Well, ok, much less than I hoped for, but at least he's stopped moving in the wrong direction and reversed course a little. (According to a study, 15% of owners of obese cats are in denial about their pets' avoid dupois. The number is 22% for dog owners, though, showing that, yes, they are even more delusional, which I'm going to extrapolate to "about life in general." No, I never thought Spoon gained 6 pounds of bone in the 5 years since I adopted him.)

Cat Vacation - Saturday Spoon in his hiding spot for the first couple days.
Fortunately, the cathouse is a fairly short drive from the vet, but there was still some major 'meser meowing. I said goodbye to my kittehs, then went to the office (my flight didn't leave until early the next morning) and immediately went to the webcam for the group room. I didn't see them. Unfortunately, the webcam is mounted on top of the wall of built-in cabinets, so there are lots of off-camera places for kitties to hide. I didn't actually catch either one until the next evening, after I got to my hotel in NYC. I thought I saw Spoon hiding in the cubbyhole in the base of a cat tree, but wasn't sure until one of the humans came in, which, of course, drew Spoon out.

Saturday morning, still no Dip sightings, although there were a couple Siamese variants who looked a lot like her, but one was pretty clearly a seal point and the other was lighter in the points, but was kind of fluffy.
Cat Vacation - Saturday
Sunday afternoon, after I got back from my day about town, Spoon had moved behind the large aquarium. Still no Dip.
Cat Vacation - Sunday
On Monday, Spoon was still hanging out mainly around the aquarium, and still no Dip.
Cat Vacation - Monday
Fortunately I made it back Tuesday afternoon in time to pick up my kitties. The cathouse lady confirmed that Dip had spent much of her time in the built-in cabinets, but other than being shy, she hadn't been too upset, and had been eating and all. I nearly died laughing, though, when she told me that one time when she'd gone in there, Spoon had come out of the cat tree cubbyhole, revealing that... he'd been sitting on Dippy! How that came to be, I can only wonder, but she said when he tried to get back in there, Dippy hissed at him, so he had to find a new spot. Silly kitties. They seemed happy to see me, and in fact, Dippy was in the tree cubbyhole and came out to greet me. She howled all the way back home, of course, but everything was copacetic once we got home, and they even seemed a (very little) bit more relaxed around each other. "Could be worse. There could be 6 cats here instead of 2." Yeah, they're probably not thinking that.