Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Whiteboard Jungle: SPECIAL Annual Reviews

Yes, it's that time of year again in my whiteboard jungle, employee reviews. The process actually starts in December when we all panic and write our self-review the day they're due, only to find out they gave us an extension. (They're using a new online app this year that will apparently let them lock us out if we haven't submitted on time.) We're also supposed to submit the peer reviews that were requested from us. I had 9 this year. 9. I'm pretty sure that, even if I know 9 people at work, I definitely do not like 9 of them. Self-review is hard for me. I was brought up not to brag about myself, besides which I thought my awesomeness was self-evident! Um, right. Anyway, I decided this whole process would be so much simpler if they would adopt the Fallout SPECIAL stats system, which runs on a scale of 1-10. Then my self-review would end up looking something like this:

  • Strength - N/A Only relevant when I need to kick someone's ass for being, well, an ass. Unfortunately, the person whose ass needs kicking always seems to be in a different office location, rendering this moot.
  • Perception - 9. Unfortunately, a high score here feels like a curse, because it means I seem to notice brokenness that either eluded other people or that they were better at ignoring. Sadly, the person who finds the brokenness often seems to end up being the person who gets the "privilege" of fixing it.
  • Endurance - 3. The st00p1d has worn me down.
  • Charisma - 10! Of course!
  • Intelligence - 9. Of course, I still work here, so I'm probably overstating.
  • Agility - 6. This would be higher, except I often seem to end up getting hit in the face by the brokenness.
  • Luck - 0. (I mentioned that this was on the scale of 1-10, right?)

Now we have to wait 2 months for the results. My boss asked what he could do to keep us from worrying about it. I suggested BevMo gift cards.

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