Knittin' Crap: SFAC July 2014

Mission	Report
Diplomatic: Converse with the Aldeans and the Caldonians to discover why this radiation is important to them. Counselor Troi has indicated that they seem to be withholding something… Craft something to trick them OR gain their trust.	The Caldonian eyes and visual cortex seem to respond to colors in a way similar to humans. They subconsciously find cool colors calming. This panel, used as a backdrop for Counselor Troi, with its soothing colors arranged in subtly undulating lines, will make them more amenable to being honest.
Engineering: Find the source of the energy readings by conducting a search. There are three standard search methods used: triangulation, radial, and standard sweep. Choose one of these three and craft something that has a triangular shape, is worked in the round, or is worked in stripes to show the results of your search.	I began analysis with a radial scan, but then the computer got in a mood and… told me to take a number. I have a feeling I’ll be waiting awhile for the final results.
Medical: Help the medical team with their assessment of the radiation threat.	I propose we send in this Red Shirt brainless human clone to test the effect of the radiation on humanoid tissues.
Tactical: Craft something that protects the user from the environment.	The undulating wiring of this headgear should interfere with any wave-form radiation and render it harmless.
Shuttle: Due to an unexpected radiation spike from Phoenar Prime, our ship has experienced a warp core breach. If we cannot fix the problem in under an hour, the engines will overload. Craft a speedy solution for the warp core breach. Hurry! Your solutions must be completed in under one hour or else - BOOM!	This sun hat probably won’t prevent the warp core breach, but at least it will help shade my eyes from the blast when I’m down on Phoenar Prime.

Jujuba pattern by Norah Gaughan
Headband stitch pattern and sun hat barrette motifs from Japanese book Lace Crochet Best Motifs 238

Knittin' Crap: SFAC April 2014

I've been remiss in posting April's missions, but better late than never.

Mission	Report
Away Mission: A 3-month-long large scale project	We have detected yet another planet inhabited by a sentient humanoid race living in conditions akin to Earth’s Stone Age. I would like to study them in person. As remaining hidden from such a population is paramount to preservation of the Prime Directive, I will need foolproof camouflage. As we all know, using holography technology is the main method for doing so, in spite of its countless and sometimes catastrophic failures. I propose, therefore, becoming part of the scenery. This special bio-garment will make me appear to be part of the flora of the planet.
Command: Honor Starfleet captains by crafting something to represent one of these captains, or the captain of your own ship	Easily, the most storied Captain in Starfleet history was James T. Kirk. With this mission report, I make reference both to his ingenuity in battle and mercy in victory, when he was taken by the Metrons to do battle with a Gorn captain:
Medical: Craft something to conceal our medical technology or something to disguise anything that would look alien to them.	As there is no way for Medical Corps personnel to get a hypospray near the Veridians, they want to try dispensing essential medications orally. This bowl prototype is infused with antibiotics. By placing water or water in it, small amounts will leach into the contents and be consumed thusly.
Tactical: Craft something to represent the Veridian system as a whole or any of its six planets.	I chose to examine the sun of the Veridian system. I used both visible-to-human-eye filters and special radiation filters:
The Brig - Finishing UFOs (UnFinished Objects)	This prisoner was supposed to make a mission report last month but failed. I hoped some time in the brig would be an appropriate lesson about meeting deadlines, and I threw in an invasive quadruped for extra incentive. It's been rough, but the prisoner has found the prefect duty detail:

Kefalonia pattern by Marie Wallin
Needle felting bowl kit from Purl & Loop
Star pattern by Karolina Eckerdal
Cat Bed pattern by Caroline Hegwer

Knittin' Crap: SFAC March 2014

I didn't get much done in March. Well, I did, but most of that was work on my 3-month Away Mission, due at the end of April, which I will probably actually finish, but it has been consuming almost all my free time.

Mission	Report
Engineering - Make something again that gave you difficulty before. Explain what you’ve learned that made it easier (or better) now.	(My Engineering mission disappeared temporarily in a Temporal Rift, delaying its completion.) Sometimes in Engineering, we need to get in tight spaces to make repairs. Our hands may fit, but they lack room to move and function. I had previously attempted to make a minibot technician glove, but my first attempt failed as the minibots were uncooperative due to incompatible control circuitry. I made some design modifications and began a re-implementation last month, which disappeared into a temporal rift shortly before completion. However, it has now escaped from the temporal rift, oddly enough, completed and fully functioning.
Science - Craft something to represent one of the sciences (utilizing the parameters outlined above) Botany - use plant fiber or a botanical motif	I performed research in the field of botany by investigating the properties of the popular Earth bast fiber “cotton.” This report exhibits its crispness in fine textiles:
The Brig - Finish a WIP	This prisoner has been holding out for almost a year, but it finally bloomed.

Basic glove pattern by Anna Gilmour

Crochet square from 238 Best Crochet Patterns

Azalea stitch pattern from Marianne Kinzel

Knittin' Crap: SFAC December 2013

Still fighting off the Borg this month!

Mission	Report
Command - Learn a new technique, try a new pattern, or use new information in some way to isolate, imprison or destroy the Borg Queen.	As the Borg mastery of technology outstrips our own and means we risk having our own technology turned against us, I decided we should go lower-tech. Using the genetic engineering lab, I modified a flying squirrel to allow it to be trained and coordinated for group attacks. Sending hundreds of these furry creatures zooming at the Borg queen will no doubt overwhelm her so the humanoids can rush in and take her down. I also added bioluminescent genes to the white fur, just because.
Engineering - Conduct your own down-and-dirty repair: Make something that takes less than a day’s work (8 hours), or fewer than 200 meters of yarn.	This small, finger-controlled robot can get into tight places for fine repairs. Unfortunately, he’s a bit of a daredevil, and while he made crucial repairs, he sustained his own injuries.
Medical - Create a hat or other headwear to help shield your mind, and cover implant removal scars.	This fastener can be used to deftly hold remaining hair in place to conceal healing or balded areas. The floral decoration serves as a further distraction from the reason such concealment is necessary.
Science - Replicate hull plates, or any of the component parts of the hull which might need to be replaced - in the form of flat things or things crafted in parts or multiples.	This piece of 4 times the thickness of normal fabrication methods would work well for a repair where extra strength is needed.
Tactical - Craft something in the bright colors of the explosion.	I managed to capture a very good holo-image of the explosion of the Borg Cube. And, even though it seems to go against the laws of physics, the explosion was also square-shaped. I will have to do additional calculations to try to figure that one out.
The Brig - Finish a UFO (note: this is actually my Brig report from November, but I forgot to put it in that post, and I didn't finish any UFOs in December anyway)	This prisoner was found colluding with the pictured invasive quadrupeds on a plot to take over early-21st century Earth. After four years in the Brig, it has finally given up the plot, especially after realizing the quadrupeds’ attention span was too short to take over much of anything other than a warm lap for more than 10 minutes.

Flying Squirrel pattern by Izumi Sasaki
Flower and crochet edging from Japanese book Best Crochet Motif Pattern 238
Totoro chart by brella
World Afghan pattern by Kay Niederlitz

Knittin' Crap: SFAC JJA Tour

What with moving and starting a new job, I was woefully lax in my Starfleet duties, only managing a handful of missions during the June/July/August tour.

Mission	Report
June Brig	This prisoner served a long and well-deserved sentence. The first time I thought it was finally ready for release, it turned out to be completely too large, with mysterious repeats that shouldn’t have been there. I had to start over from the beginning! This time, however, it meets the release requirements:
June Shuttle Mission (got zapped into a temporal rift and popped out in early August for points): Crochet a bag that represents your family, chosen or blood.	This bag represents my family’s love of cats, particularly my father’s affection for the Siamese breed.
June Science Mission - Craft a gift for either the Romulans or the Klingons based on your research.	As a gift for the Romulans, I have created this miniature hologram of Mr Spock, as a celebration of his work toward peace between the Federation and Romulan Empire.
July Brig	These prisoners were supposed to record my visit last month to Regulus V, but the report was delayed, so they had to be held for questioning! Requesting release now that the report is finished!
August Brig	This prisoner was supposed to report for a mission last month, but she spent too much time doing her hair and thus was late for duty. Her hair is done and she’s ready for action now, though!
August Medical Mission - Craft something that represents the time distortion that we are experiencing by crafting something multi-colored.	The time distortion somehow affected not only the color wavelengths of this thermal wrap but also seems to have caused the top and bottom edges to become vastly different lengths.
August Science Mission - Craft something ‘disguised’ to look like another object.	This device may look like a flower, but it is actually a monitoring device that can be discreetly fastened in one’s hair.

Crochet Overlap Vest pattern by Aya Kasama (笠間綾)
Siamese Cat Crochet Block pattern by Melody Griffiths
Coquille Shawl pattern by Mary Lou Egan
Crochet flower from 238 Best Lace Motif Pattners

Knittin' Crap: SFAC April 2013

Mission	Report
Command: Choose one of the founding civilizations of the Federation and craft something that illustrates their uniqueness, or how their influence has shaped the Federation.	In homage to that most blue-blooded of founding species, the Andorians, I present this fibrous river of navy blue:
Diplomatic: Craft something to represent a species’ communication style or negotiating skills.	The Andorian subspecies, the Aenar, thought until only a couple centuries ago to be a myth even among Andorians, have very powerful telepathic abilities. This mission represents their ability to transmit brain waves across relatively large distances. I believe the invasive quadrupeds on the Kitchener have revealed their true mission. This one appears to be intercepting the Aenarian brainwaves:
Medical: Choose a non-Terran species and craft something that represents how their physiology differs from that of the people of Earth.	Without going into details (this is a family vessel, after all), the plant-based Phylosians have a method of reproduction that vastly differs from humans. They, um, flower, like so:
Science: Improve our ability to communicate complex scientific information: Challenge yourself in learning a new skill. Do you only knit? Perhaps try crochet – or spinning, tatting, or naal-binding. Alternatively, try an advanced technique in your preferred fiber art form.	For this mission, I created this regulation headband. I was looking for a way to protect against the effects of certain neutrinos on brain waves and decided to investigate an old fabrication technique called “broomstick crochet.” The loops are highly effective at redirecting errant neutrinos.
Tactical: Choose a culture whose tactical skills you admire - or think it important we study - and craft something to represent them.	I look back to 23rd century Earth for someone who was always ready for a fight to protect his ship or crewmates or, in particular, a damsel in distress: Starfleet Lt. Pavel Chekov. Chekov never pulled his punches, particularly if said damsel was attractive. While he may have had a fiery temper, he could rein it in out of respect to his superior officers.
Afghan Challenge: Bajor IV	I have fabricated squares which represent the new path Bajor is forging:

Summit pattern by Mandie Harrington
Doily pattern from Lace Best Patterns 238

Knittin' Crap: The Lump of Angry Coal

I keep retelling this story, so I figured I'd record it for once and for all and point people to the post.

So, at some point, I kept wondering who let the 12-year-old onto the SA IRC channel at work. Seriously. To express my, um, approval rating for the 12-year-old, whom we shall call "JE," I made a lump of coal. As the 12-year-old was at corp HQ and I was in some belittled satellite office, I asked my sr. director if he would deliver something to "JE" and handed him the lump of coal. And he promptly said, "Oh, cool, it's an Angry Bird!" "Huh?" Now, he was only recently my sr. director, so I was not yet at the stage where I felt comfortable to lecture him on how, if I had meant to make an Angry Bird, there would be no confusion whatsoever over whether it was an Angry Bird or a lump of coal. (Most people have enough sense never to get to that stage. I'm not one of those people.) So I made a mental note...

...and a few months later, presented the sr. director with what is undeniably an Angry Bird rip-off. He put it on his desk and was apparently so attached that the first time I resigned, the first question out of his mouth was whether I was going to take the bird with me or not. (I'm not there anymore, but I'm pretty sure the bird is.)

Back to the 12-year-old. At the request of someone-who-shall-remain-nameless-because-he-turned-out-to-be-a-misplacer-of-my-uber-puppets, I made a "JE" finger puppet:

Word of the Day

fingerpuppet-worthy (adj.): Meriting receipt of my masterful custom finger puppets.

Example: Why would I want to work at a place where my co-irkers are not fingerpuppet-worthy?

Knittin' Crap: Starfleet Tour February 2013

Division	Report
Command: Craft something to represent that ‘one thing’ on the Bridge that captures your attention.	While on the bridge, I enjoy playing with the spectral visualization settings of the displays. If subatomic particles or various wave types are mapped to the visible light spectrum, we can see striking effects normally invisible to our eyes. This is what a warp field looks like when mapped to the visible spectrum and being attacked by a giant space cat:
Diplomatic: Make something for your own quarters or those of another to make the space seem more like home.	I heard a Betazed delegate remark on the quadrupeds which have invaded the Kitchener, and how they resembled Betazoid cats which the delegate had had to leave at home, so I supplied her with one of the invaders:
Engineering: Make a toy, game, or other object to be used in (or to represent) your shipboard hobby - whatever that might be.	My hobby is to go around like a fairy godmother and grant people’s wishes. And to make “pew pew pew!” sounds.
Medical: Make our visitors feel comfortable seeking medical treatment by crafting something that represents the men and women of the ship’s Medical Facilities.	One of the most revered and storied past members of the Starfleet Medical Corps is, of course, Dr Leonard “Bones” McCoy. Here is my homage to Captain Kirk’s longtime friend and ship’s doctor:
Science: Craft something to represent one of the labs or the work done there.	During my rotation through the stellar cartography lab, I actually managed to discover a new kind of star, the micro-mini blue-green dwarf star! The micro-mini blue-green dwarf star has several peculiar properties, including being endothermic and chemically/radiologically inert. It is also cute and snuggly.
Shuttle: Show Ship Pride: Using your finest fiber art skills, make something to represent the ship you serve on.	I came back from an away mission and found the Kitchener decks covered with water puddles. I’ll just mop some up with this here towel and not ask questions…
Afghan Challenge - February: Gamma Trianguli VI - Galactic Garden of Eden An idyllic planet with a tropical climate, its atmosphere has no harmful bacteria and completely screens out any negative effects from the sun. The humanoid inhabitants of this planet worshipped a sophisticated computer they called Vaal, which provided for the people by controlling the planet’s weather. Since the destruction of the device, they have resumed a more normal society. The people remain open and unquestioning toward visitors; Starfleet personnel are reminded that the Prime Directive is in full force.	These blocks are a symbolic representation of the change in the direction of the lives of the Gamma Triangulons after Captain Kirk totally violated the Prime Directive for the umpteenth time set them on a path of social evolution. Please excuse the interloper. Several of us on the Kitchener have been affected by an infestation of small quadrupeds. While they seem basically harmless, they tend to be an occasional hindrance to our duties. This one has, yes, grabbed the block on the left to… play? help? destroy?

Original cat pattern by Mitsuki Hoshi
Garland pattern from Japanese book Lace Crochet Best Pattern
Star pattern by Karolina Eckerdal
Illusion Duck pattern by Amy-lynne Mitchell