News: Ah, Florida

Click on me!

For those who don't know, I spent my formative teenage years in the state. When someone asks if I would ever move back (after having been absent, except for short visits, for almost a quarter of a century), I have a long list of reasons why the answer is "No." And this isn't even near the top:

News: Stupidity Legislation

Yes, background checks for people trying to buy guns are all well and good, but what we really need are minimum IQ requirements to keep guns out of the hands of morons.

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News: Random Bits

Stuff that's been sitting around but hasn't found a themed post.

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  I'm dying to know what the knitter's response was. I would have been tempted to say something like, "No habla dumbass" and kept on knitting.
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  seattle woman: "you look just like kristin hersh" me: "i AM kristin hersh" her: "she's a musician" me: "i know" her: "it's really uncanny"

  — kristin hersh (@kristinhersh) August 24, 2012

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  That person should write *all* movie synopses.
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News: Random Stupid

• Folks, it's really nice that you want to help out disaster victims and all, but they don't really need Viagra.
• Speaking of stupidity and natural disasters:
  
• Special guest loldog:
  
• Enough people have trouble with texting while walking (like the English woman who fell into a canal while texting.) Texting while driving, why are you still doing that? Add texting while walking on stairs with a toddler to the list of dangerous multitasking combinations. Just put the damn phone down, people!
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Knittin' Crap: Let the Ravelwhatsit Games Begin!

After that dust-up with the U.S. Olympic Committee where they had to add insult to injury in their cease & desist letter by talking trash like how making an afghan (the insulation device, not the nationality) was not a shitload of work, the Ravelympics ended up getting renamed to "The Ravellenic Games." Meh. Later said U.S.O.C. pissed off Congress (the same body that gave them extraordinary latitude with the Olympics trademark) by dressing this year's U.S. athletes in (butt-ugly and seriously overpriced) opening ceremony uniforms made entirely outside of the U.S. So, basically, the U.S.O.C.... assholes and morons. (What, did they think maybe no one would notice? Dumbasses.) Meh. Anyway, the Games start tomorrow!

Cast-on time happens to be 1PM local for me, and since I'll be at work... yeah, I'll be casting on anyway! Ha! Dippy here is helpfully posing with my event materials for the pullover I have delusions of completing in 17 days. Go, Team Minecraft!

News: WTF Fridays!

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  see more Monday Through Friday
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  see more Monday Through Friday
  Actually, I probably peak on Thursdays, so I can flake off on Friday. Uh, if my manager reads this, I was totally joking. No, really.
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  see more epicfails
  Totally true. Especially on Thursdays, when I'm actually doing work.
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  see more epicfails
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  see more
  Totally true. Especially on Thursdays, when I'm actually doing work, or at least trying to, and, excuse me, you opened a security bug against my servers, setting a deadline when, what's this, you haven't even released the patch yet? Excuse me?

News: Random Stuff

I haven't posted a news montage in well over a month now, so here's a quick list of stuff:

Public transit stuff:

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  see more epicfails
  So true, sick of dorks on the bus listening to music over their phone's tinny speaker (dude, it's optimized for speech, not your low-end thumpin' bass or your high-end whiny break-up music. Get earbuds, dumbass!
• And this is from last year, from the now (sadly) defunct Infrastructurist website (although their old content is still available): Are We Drastically Underestimating the ‘Social Cost’ of Carbon Emissions?
• Stupid criminal ON public transit: Man without fare punches bus driver and causes accident. And gets arrested. And since he probably wasn't trying to get to the city jail, also does not reach his intended destination.

Science-ish stuff:

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  see more epicfails
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  see more epicfails
• And a really useful (and serious) PDF about How to Debunk a Myth is linked in this article.

Oh, and so this post won't be lacking a lolcat:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

Other: Merry Freakin' Christmas!

No, I haven't finished making my presents this year, let alone giving them out, so until it's safe to post the round-up, I'll leave you with these:


see more There I Fixed It

With bonus stupid criminal, holiday edition:


see more epicfails

News: Stupid and Punishment

• Yup, we're talking Florida here:
  
  see more epicfails
• I bet this cat is also from Florida:
  
  see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
• Amazingly, not Florida, but close; Georgia:
  
  see more epicfails
• ...And some more classic Southern stupidity:
  
  see more epicfails
• But this is from Canada!
  
  see more epicfails
• An infographic on the punishment of various crimes in societies throughout history
• People who get computer malware are also more likely to get mugged in "meatspace."

Metro Journal: May 24 Crosswalk Rage, Part n

(where n is very large)

I came thisclose to getting mowed down in the crosswalk with the crossing light. I got off my bus in the morning. The stop is one crosswalk + ½ a block to the office. How much can go wrong? I hit the crossing light, the light came on, and as I was crossing, this asshole making a left turn onto the street I was crossing almost hit me, having to slam on his brakes, stopping less than a yard from me. His car even stalled. I turned, gave him the "WTF IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, DUMBASS?" look and gesture and he gave me a very sheepish look and tried to start his car while I just walked to the office. I was already cranky (it had already been a long week and this was... Tuesday!) and in fact, this was not the most annoying part of my day.

A week later, another asshole making a left turn almost hit me in the exact same crosswalk. He stopped further out, but seriously, WTF? In the previous year, I'd crossed that street 100 times without almost getting mowed over.

News: More Fakebook Follies

• Since craigslist banned "adult services" ads, prostitutes have been flocking to Facebook.
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  see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
  (We are all going to assume that the cat has a thyroid issue, ok?)
• According to this, I am apparently much cooler now than I was "then."
• Because of yet another bug, Facebook has been exposing the supposedly-private information of millions of users for years.
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  see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!
  You wanna bet "Dan" doesn't get invited to any more family reunions?

And not Facebook, but we all know I hate Apple just as much:

• I've been saying Apple is a cult of nutjobs for years now, but brain imaging research has proven me right.

News: WTF Round-up

• A suitably whacked-looking man, in Florida, of course, spent 3 days in his motorized mobility chair chasing around a woman. Presumably the woman spent 3 days not calling the police.
• An impressive WTF:
  
  see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
• Ummmm.....
  see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!
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  see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!
  Ooooh, I can return them without hassle? Why didn't someone tell me? I might have tried having one.
• Infamous Chinese iPhone manufacturing sweat-shop sterling employer Foxconn now requires its workers to sign a pact not to commit suicide.
• A NY Orthodox Jewish newspaper photoshopped out the women present in the now-famous Bin Laden take-down situation room photo, including Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Dude, WTF?
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  see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!
  Just... facepalm...
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  see more TDW Geeks
  I'm giving that thing about a month before it gets banned on city buses everywhere after multiple impalement-of-other-riders-when-the-driver-has-to-slam-on-the-brakes incidents. Seriously, folks, someone's going to get an eye poked out!
• And finally...
  
  see more Monday Through Friday

News: Who's The Boss?

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  see more Monday Through Friday
  Except I always end up in the meeting where I'm either getting grilled about something or it's with that asshole who is always blathering on about absolutely nothing so he can feel important and (fail to) impress his colleagues and waste my time in general and isn't even the boss. And did I mention no one even brings us donuts?
  
• Well, the obvious answer is the cat is the boss:
  
  see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
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  see more Monday Through Friday
  Totally doing this, and maybe not even waiting until next April Fools day.
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  see more Monday Through Friday
• Instructions on making a yarn swift from an office swivel chair. Finally, a chance to do something truly productive at work.
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  see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
• A report shows that workers will destroy their own computers to get an upgrade. I know mine is going to commit suicide by jumping in front of an oncoming bus any day now unless my next upgrade request gets approved...
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  see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
  Funny, that's also how cat owners tend to spend their tax refund...
• And finally, leaving you with this inspiring thought:
  
  see more Monday Through Friday

Air Journal: Bird- and Creeper-Watching

I went to Virginia for several days this past week to visit my aunt and uncle before the oppressive summer heat and humidity kicked in. Trip highlights:

• Because I refuse to pay money to check a bag unless absolutely necessary, I didn't check a bag. No one blinked at the metal knitting needles in my suitcase.
• Because no one wants to pay $25 to check a friggin' bag, the overhead bins fill beyond capacity on most flights these days. While we were boarding, they were again announcing the bit about putting your smaller carry-on item under the seat in front of you, etc., but certain rows didn't have that option, so they would have to put it in the overheads. The guy walking in front of me put both his suitcase and his backpack in the overhead bin. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, like maybe he was seated in one of the mentioned rows, but no, he was just a dick who is Special and Above the Rules. Asshole. Good thing I'm not a flight attendant or I would have taken the thing out of the bin and shoved it under his seat with a very brutal smile.
• I almost didn't recognize my aunt Mary at the airport. Her hair had turned completely white. She was still short, though.
• I was her enabler for visiting yarn shops. On Cary St. in the artsy-fartsy area, we were walking from a yarn shop to a Thai restaurant (she had never had Thai food before), when I saw this chalk drawing on one of the ubiquitous brick walls in Richmond:
  
• We drove out to my grandmother's farm near Charlottesville, where everyone and their Beltway brother is now building their ugly "farm-house style" McMansion where there used to be real, working farmhouses. Outside, I dodged a dragonfly trying to divebomb me. Geez, I hate those things! I forgot how many, well, insects there are there. Here's a view of the Blue Ridge Mountains from the farm:
  
• My aunt and uncle keep bird feeders in their backyard. While the hummingbirds have been absent this year, perhaps victims of the severe winter, there were still more birds than I see here in artificially-green desert. While the red-headed woodpecker we saw last time didn't show (its tree died and was taken out), we did see:
  • House finches -- by far the most common
  • Cowbirds
  • At least two pairs of cardinals
  • Grackles, with their striking light-colored eyes and brilliant iridescence
  • English (house) sparrows
  • A male red-bellied woodpecker, which actually has no red on its belly, but does have a striking neon-orange stripe on its head, which makes it look like a punk rocker
  • I think the other woodpecker was the downy woodpecker, but we only saw a female and only once or twice.
  • Starlings
  • Doves
  • The ubiquitous robin, which I miss out here. They also love splashing around in the birdbath.
• I somehow managed to avoid smacking my head getting into my seat until the last connecting flight home. I have a nice lump on my forehead.
• I was sitting next to a young woman who could not be not touching her MacBook, and what appeared to be her grandfather. As we were landing, she turned to the elderly man and told him she didn't think it would be a problem at the car rental place, but she just remembered both of them have expired drivers licenses. "But we're still licensed drivers." Um, no, you're not. Hence the "expired" bit. I was sorely tempted to follow them to the car rental place and laugh, but instead...
• I went to catch the Flyaway bus to Union Station (I flew out of BUR but flew into LAX for price and scheduling reasons). $7. Free (well, included in my monthly pass) bus ride from Union Station home. Ok, it took about 2 hours, but it would have taken a little less if I hadn't been waiting at the wrong corner for the connecting bus. And it has often taken that long with a shuttle, because you wait 20 minutes for them to come around, then you wait another 30 minutes while they keep circling the damn airport, then you're inevitably the last one off and all the people getting dropped off first all live 15 miles from the freeway, so it takes at least 2 hours to get home anyway. So I feel smug now :P
• Kitties were happy to see me! Yay! They quickly got over the smell of my aunt's two dogs. Or they're plotting their revenge for later, when it is a dish best served cold...

News: Dumbass Round-up

I am super mega-cranky today, so here are a bunch of dumbasses for your, um, enjoyment.

• Apparently craploads of people are asking "Who is Osama bin Laden?" on Yahoo! Answers, and they're almost all dumbass teenagers who, while yes, are too young to remember 9/11, have apparently not visited anything other than the Entertainment news section of a web site in the past decade. WTF?
• This teenage dumbass experiences instant karma. Well, 1-hour karma.
  
  see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!
• This dumbass decided to rob a convenience store while wearing pants so baggy, they had to be held up with one hand at all times. Unfortunately for the dumbass, both his hands were full.
  
  see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!
• Dressing your cat in a pink tutu? Man, you deserve anything you get for that.
  
  see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
• After this sign went up, McDonalds was shocked to see a 20% drop in cheezburger sales.
  see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
• Not sure who the bigger dumbass is here, the suspect carrying a chair out the door or the police who didn't notice some dude was walking out of the building cuffed to a chair.
  
  see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!
• The United States Postal Service managed to issue a Statue of Liberty stamp featuring a stock picture not of the actual Statue of Liberty on Liberty Island, but of the not-totally-accurate replica in Las Vegas. Morons.

After all this amalgamated stupidity, I am down with this cat:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!